J.B. Jeyaretnam is gone.

Sigh. I think i've got to be a bit less...accommodating on the roads. Or rather, less...soft. Sigh.

Today, i knew that i had stopped my car a bit too far on the right from the parallel lots on the left side of the road. Parking would be difficult. But, because there were so many cars behind waiting for me to park, i went ahead anyway. The result? i scratched the car parked in front of me. Thankfully, i was driving really slowly so it was just tiny spots of scratched paint. Still, a loss of $70 has gotta hurt.

Then, on the way back home, i was almost at the gate of my house when i noticed that the car behind me was still following very closely behind, even though my hazard lights were on. Maybe he thought that i had turned them on by mistake. I didn't want to have to make him hit his brakes, and there was no way for him to change lanes at the moment, so i turned into my house as fast as i could. The result? I mounted the curb on the way in. No damage to my car. But still.

I feel...rather weak-willed. It's time to toughen up. In the right way, of course.

Anyway, i heard this morning that Joshua Benjamin Jeyaretnam a.k.a. J.B. Jeyaretnam has passed away with a heart attack. Quite a pity, really, because he had just started a new political party, and i was waiting to see what would happen.

In any case, well...i do think that he became a little impatient with the way things were progressing towards the end of his political career (he probably wanted to see change happen before he passed on). I think he was a little too much of an idealist and didn't really try to persuade the PAP to embrace his ideas by mentioning the economic benefits that might result (although he'd reply by saying that benefits were not the point...some things needed sacrifice).

He'd hit out at both politicians who did not want to give citizens much in the way of liberties, as well as those who favoured slow, progressive change towards a more free country. He made enemies of both camps as a result, which largely limited his effectiveness. He was brash and combative, and he used too much of the stick, with not enough carrot.

But still, i'd also like to think of myself as a supporter of free speech, human rights and liberty for all, and i'm all for a MORE democratic process of choosing governments (notice that i didn't say PURELY democratic). And i really wish that more people saw J.B. Jeyaretnam's ideas for what they were, instead of bristling at the insults in his words and simply dismissing them out of hand. Without paying them any heed, and taking them for granted.

So for what it's worth, bravo, Mr Jeyaretnam, for being an ever-suffering maverick and a champion of constitutionalism, free will, and democracy in Singapore. And God bless your soul (if there really is a God out there, of course).

My friend and i wish to attend his funeral to pay our respects...anyone else interested? It's on saturday though, so it'll depend on whether i've done enough of my LAWR assignment by then. I'm also not sure where the funeral services will be held. It'll be a serious and somber occasion anyway, so make sure you wear black.

And on a completely unrelated note, i realised, while on the phone today, that the tone and accent of her voice sounds a lot like someone i know. A lot like HER. Weird, that i only noticed now.

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Being Truly Good

Things went pretty well today (or yesterday, rather, since it's already 4.15am). And for that, i am relieved. And thankful, to a certain someone who's really made my day.

Anyway, i was pondering about yesterday's angsty post, about past events, and about my entire life in general...and it really got me thinking about what it truly means to be a good person.

And well...all i could conclude is that i've got a really long way to go before i'm truly a good man. "The BEST deeds in life are the ones you LEAST want to do!" is a self-crafted quote that i've been using to judge my actions.

So well, treating people to meals is a good deed, but not a great one, since i sorta have the money. Delivering milk may not necessarily be the best deed i can do, because i have a car. And heck, i WANTED to do it hahaha! XD Spending time delivering milk or fetching people around may be a good deed, but perhaps i'm just not valuing my time enough. Talk of wanting to be a good man is not good enough unless it's backed up with action.

And even then, no "good" deed can be considered good if it wasn't done with the proper intentions. People who know me personally would think that i'm really nice, understanding, generous, and considerate, but well...sometimes i wonder if that's what i'm truly like, deep down.

I'd say that, yes, my strength could be that i put myself in the shoes of others a lot. But while some people may think that i'm a nice and polite guy, i view it more as me being non-confrontational. I'm quite a soft fellow; prone to getting pushed around by others quite a bit. And i'm peace-loving because i'm afraid of getting other people mad.

And that's because i've been brought up to view good relations as a type of asset, just like the car i drive or the cash in my bank account. I've been taught to say or do certain things and to abstain from saying or doing certain things, all just to build up a solid reputation and maintain a squeaky clean image.

When someone gets mad at me and our relationship breaks down, i can feel like crap for days, because it's like i've lost some of my personal property. I may be doing favours for others, being polite and considerate, but deep down, it's probably all for my own benefit. To form the links of friendship that will aid in MY future.

And at the same time, i've got a bit of a selfish streak, deep down. I can get rather possessive and i am ambitious in a bad sense; i want to be successful, rich, popular, and in the centre of attention. Yet i'm also too lazy half the time to achieve these aims, so i take shortcuts and i'm prone to exaggeration.

So that's probably the biggest problem that i have with myself. I've been brought up to be a good man on the outside. Now, i want to be a good man on the inside, as well. I want to be able to do good deeds, without ever thinking about how that will improve my relations with others, or about how a person will like me more after i've done a favour for him or her. I want to be able to do good deeds without ever thinking about any reward of any kind.

And i've sort of started on this "project" of mine. I've managed to curb my desire to be in the spotlight in the most creative of ways. Like not wanting to run for certain positions if i think i've no actual desire for the responsibility and just want the prestige and attention. Stupid? I don't know.

I've also done quite a few deeds that are completely unequitable towards me based on the credit i get as a result. I try to do good deeds without letting anyone know that i've done them (although posting about all this on my blog - and gaining some measure of credit as a result - probably wipes out all the "goodness points" that i've gained in the process).

Even then, i'm starting to wonder...what is the purpose of all of this? Why am i trying to be good on the inside as well? There're so many people out there who're selfish and who only do things to benefit themselves. Heck, most of the remaining people who actually do "good deeds" do so, either to ease some form of guilt in their hearts, or to get into heaven or whatever.

Ordinary men are inherently selfish. And i'm just an ordinary man...why try to be any different? Why take myself, my life, so seriously? Am i feeling insecure? Am i low on self-esteem? Again, is it just a question of raw ambition? Am i trying to be the nicest or the most benevolent person on earth? Am i trying to be like Jesus or Buddha? Or more appropriately, am i trying to be BETTER than Jesus or Buddha?

Is the act of trying to be good on the inside evil in itself? What irony! Would i be better off if i stopped thinking about such things entirely and stopped being so calculative?

Deep down, do i just want to be more true to myself?

I suppose...i suppose this is where having kids comes into the picture. Erps. :|

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Disgusted.

I shouldn't have opened my eyes so widely. I still wonder why i did that...or why i do things like that in general. A streak of exhibitionism perhaps? Attention Deficit Disorder? Urgh...i'm feeling disgusted with myself. I take myself seriously. So i do my best to root stuff like this out, but it still resurfaces every now and then. This time it was probably just an extremely minor case of exhibitionism or ADD, but the resulting damage was pretty huge.

For that matter, i should have fought harder for possession instead of hesitating for that one moment. Letting things get out of hand for that one moment before i reclaimed possession...things had spiraled a little out of control by then. What was i doing...enjoying the spotlight in that one moment? Reveling in it? Feeling a bit of frat boy pride? I still don't know what went through my head, back then.

All i know is that after the incident was over, i regretted what happened. A lot. People have apologised, others have promised not to talk about it...they call this sort of thing damage limitation. I just hope that they keep their promises.

See, even then, all i'm doing is caring about what other people think. I did a great job earlier of rescuing my reputation amongst my friends...enhancing it, even. Great job, Greg. This was also probably the hardest paragraph to type because deep down, it's probably all true.

I'm no good guy...i'm just pretending to be one in front of other people. This post also serves that purpose because people read it and get influenced by it...either that or they'll chat me up and tell me that i'm just being too hard on myself...they call this sort of thing propaganda. Deep down, i just hope that it works.

Anyway mambo was pretty fun, all in all. I couldn't really dance like i normally do the whole night because i didn't drink and didn't feel a need to drink. Some of the guys called me domesticated. I shall take it as a compliment. Try to, at least hahaha...Also, i couldn't focus on dancing at all because i kept looking at the mambo kings and queens...kept looking at their moves and trying to learn it. It was all rather interesting. Like learning a new language.

Okay, anyway it's already past 6.00am. Got something on at 1pm later so i need to get some shut-eye.

Edit: I've really got to thank her for being so understanding. I was afraid for a while that she wouldn't believe me...like she'd think that i deliberately showed it to my friends in a moment of real frat boy pride and was now trying to cover things up with an elaborately woven story (i swear on my life that that isn't the case). But well, even though it'd be understandable for her not to believe me, she DID believe me. That's a relief. Maybe i shouldn't have doubted her. So, yeah, thank you. Very much.

She's now feeling very embarrassed though...guess i owe her lunch. In any case, i better go to sleep because it's now 6.35am. Whoopie.

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Copied and pasted.

I am feeling lazy. Therefore i shall copy and paste. From Coco's blog (Coco, by the way, is the awe-inspiring girlfriend). With her express permission of course.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

an adventure
So I was happily walking into the kitchen right, when I saw the box of cookies. Then I thought, it'd be lovely to have cookies and milk at 1am. Then I opened the fridge and guess what, there was no milk. So I sulkily got a glass of water instead and sat down to play Reversi with the boyfriend (Greg) on MSN.

Of course, I told him that I was craving milk and that I missed him. Guess what he did? Twenty minutes later, he turned up at my apartment lobby with two cartons of milk from the convenience store. So I brought two cups and the box of cookies, sneaked out of the house, and we had a mighty fine time downstairs. (He's my hero<3)

Then at about 230am, just when I was about to head to the lift and he to his car, my phone rang. It was my mother! Panic-stricken, I answered it. One of the guards in my estate had called her to tell her that her visitor's vehicle was illegally parked in the lobby! Of course she was puzzled becaused she didn't know she had a visitor.

So the boyfriend hastily checked to see if his car got clamped, (it wasn't) and I hastily went back home.

Turns out the guards half-joked and gave him a half-talking to because my mother didn't know we had a visitor, and that he was a few minutes away from getting clamped. Haha.

I think my mother was actually amused.


And no, the praise i received in the blog entry isn't the ONLY reason why i copied and pasted the entry here. Erm i mean...what a powerfully written entry!! XD

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Whew i'm back...what am i doing it's time to go to sleep!!!

Lol. I actually finished it. That bloody SLS assignment. The funny thing is, my answer became pretty coherent and sensible towards the end, and i even exceeded the word limit by nearly 200 words and had to shorten it...amazing. I didn't think that such a thing could happen. It was like a caterpillar morphing into a...rather ugly butterfly, but a butterfly nevertheless. Woots.

But well, the good work kinda came with a sacrifice. Put simply, i really did not sleep at all. Yup, the all-nighter thing really came true as the prophecy dictated. What the hell. I really hope i do well for this assignment, so that it would've been worth the effort. I'll never underestimate take home assignments ever again...not that i've ever underestimated them before, but i'll start to OVERestimate take home assignments from now onwards lol.

Anyway, it's bloody 10.45am. And i haven't slept a wink yet since yesterday morning. My biological clock is screwed. Still, this isn't the worst that i've suffered. Far from it actually. And i'm not even talking about anything that happened during the army period. Lol.

Oh but damn i can't believe that i drove to school and back as well!!! OMG Greg the road hazard hahaha. I got caught in this major traffic jam right before the Rochor exit on the ECP all the way until i started to get nearer to Bukit Timah Road too...i suggest that anyone who drives in Singapore stay the hell away from the Suntec/Beach Road area for the rest of this week, because F1 and their fast cars are slowing all the surrounding traffic down! Haha!

In any case i'd better go get some shut-eye now; i'll need to break a bit of bad news to a particular someone later!!! XD

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The horrors of SLS

OH MY GOODNESS. SLS ASSIGNMENT, PLEASE DIE. PLEASE DISAPPEAR OFF THE FACE OF THE WORLD AND DON'T BOTHER ME EVER AGAIN.

Okay, this new assignment is hopelessly irritating. And difficult. And confusing. I suspect a long, hard night tonight, simply because i haven't done much to further my work along in the past 12 hours or so.

You could say that it's because of, well, other distractions. *Er Hem!!* But i really do think that the unique nature of this assignment has got to take some of the blame as well.

Put it this way: it's framed like a GP essay question, but unlike GP essay questions, you can only take your information from certain articles and cases, and as such, every single one of your opinions needs to be backed with proper evidence or authority. You can't throw out creative opinions because hey, you're not a judge or anything of that sort. Your subjective views of what is truly justice is not of any importance to the rest of us. If your opinion is not supported by someone of any importance, it will not be heard.

Worst of all, unlike GP essays, we're now examined under MUCH HIGHER STANDARDS THAN BEFORE. Not really because we're any smarter or whatever, but because we're expected to have all the information and thought processes of all those articles in our heads, and we're supposed to USE those facts and ideas. The thing is that there are people who've read the articles over and over and absorbed every damn detail. But I'M NOT ONE OF THEM. I read slowly. I get sleepy and distracted easily because i read slowly. I don't have all of this information at my fingertips. I'm dead meat. The paper is graded by comparing my paper to approximately 230 of the other students...and at the moment, i'd say that among that group of people, my paper's somewhere near the bottom of the pile.

Some people might also think that it's like a history question. But unlike history questions, what we're dealing with here are mostly OPINIONS. And these opinions are also DIFFERING. You don't get differing facts in your history textbook without any proper explanation (like perhaps that area of history is unknown or perhaps one version was propoganda), but you DO get differing opinions in law essays without any explanation for it at all. Your task is to find out what those reasons are, by reading in between the lines and discovering the author's underlying ideas in a very objective manner. Very literature-ish? Well, i wouldn't know.

But of course, most of the time there aren't any real reasons at all! It's just one judge's moral compass against another's. The bottom line is that it's all very frustrating. We aren't allowed to play Judge because those Judges are just playing normal people.

Okay, i'm not making any sense. I'm just rather irritated with the whole thing. VERY irritated. I'm getting frantic, desperate even. I want to enjoy myself tomorrow, but for that to happen i need to finish my work first.

So enough typing on this blog, because it was all just a waste of time anyway. I'm not even going to bother to check for any spelling or grammatical mistakes.

I'm tired. It's past 12am already; 14 hours have gone by and i only have about 9hours left. I'm not even halfway through coming up with the proper POINTS. What are the chances of me even finishing this assignment on time? Let's not even talk about getting a wink of sleep.

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Correction!

Don't get me wrong though, i'm still deep within the maze shrouded in fog.

Okay, anyway, the reason why i'm posting again after just an hour or so is because i was taking a shower earlier when i realised that i made a mistake in my analogy recently (my "On the expressway..." post). So scrap all that; i'm making a correction to it here in order to clarify my position. Well, actually i'm hoping that it ends up confusing most of you instead...hahaha! XD

Anyway, the situation is this. Deep inside the maze, there are several pit stops. These are points within the maze that you HAVE to locate AND visit in a certain order before you are allowed access to the parking lot at your final destination. Each visit allows you to refuel your car engine, but you can only visit each pit stop once, so fuel is in limited supply.

So the difficulty arises because the route heading towards the final destination can be long or short, depending on the general difficulty of the maze that you're in, pure arse-luck and the results of certain 50/50 decisions. You can choose not to visit the pit stops when you discover them, and only visit them in the required order when you're in need of refueling.

You might discover the location of the final destination after only refueling from the first few pit stops, and that would be to your advantage. Some people might even decide to carefully plan out the route to their final destination, and make sure that they're certain of their directions before visiting whatever pit stops remain. That's probably what i had wanted to do before i took the chance and drove past the final traffic light.

But, well, i've been wandering around the maze in my trusty red car recently, and i've been discovering quite a few pit stops along the way. Lucky me, in a sense. Maybe i should have decided to go and scout ahead first before visiting the pit stops only when i was low on fuel. But instead, i haven't been controlling myself; i've visited each and every one of those pit stops even though i didn't have any need to refuel.

So now, i'm a little worried that i don't have sufficient fuel to last the entire distance. I might run out of fuel before i even find the location of my final destination. And if i run out of fuel, i'll also be hauled back to the starting line, regardless of how close i was to reaching my final destination. Parking along the roadside within the maze (meaning in a non-parking lot) to save fuel is also strictly prohibited.

I can still make it with the number of pit stops that i have remaining, and it's actually quite a good thing that i'm locating the pit stops, because it means that i'm somewhat on the right track. But it would require some luck on my part to find my final destination with low fuel resources, because it would have meant that my time spent travelling in the maze was short. And who knows if that would really be the case for me.

So i've decided to focus a little more on the long term. Be a little more safe in planning my travels. A while ago, i spotted what seemed like a pit stop in the distance, but instead of heading towards it, i decided to mark out the location of the pit stop on the map (which is mostly all hand-drawn, btw). I'll head to that pit stop later; for now, i still have quite a bit of fuel left in my engine, so i'll go spend some of it wandering elsewhere and fashioning an image of the maze on my map (and hopefully finding my final destination in the process).

Hope that either clears things up or confuses everyone even more. No change in particular just means that i've wasted my time. Sigh. Anyway, it's late. I've gotta sleep sufficiently tonight because tomorrow is test day. So goodnight to all. Whatever happens, getting to the final destination is still all that matters.

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Time to

Okay. It's done. Time to sit back and watch the reactions.

No, crap, what am i saying??? Time to study for SLS and prepare for the test tomorrow!!! >.<

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Look to army for peace.

Okay, this isn't exactly a post discussing the benefits of sending the military overseas on peace-keeping operations. Or discussing the role of the civil defence force in keeping the peace in our homeland. What the hell, it's not even really a post about the army.

It's just that i've been reading my previous posts for the past hour or so for no particular reason. And as i started reading up on the good times i had last year, a thought struck me, something which hadn't occurred to me at all in the past month: my life last year (and the year before) was really CRAP.

The thought of going for guard duty for a night of sleep deprivation, going for outfield exercises, and sweating in the army uniform for the whole week (and using that same, smelly uniform for the whole week) sends shivers down my spine. And i can hardly imagine being able to go to sleep in my bunk in 3SIB with that all-famous sergeant sleeping in the bed beside me, having (once again) not showered for at least two days at a time.

What the hell, just move back another year, and in 2006 i was running in the forest with four hours or less of sleep (even though we all say that we slept for seven) the previous day, with nothing else keeping my rifle up and my senses sharp except for sheer determination and the sight of all my friends suffering just as much as i was.

These were the times when i didn't have much in the way of liberties, and when i spent my entire weekends at home with my family and with my computer games and my anime. I had no social life to speak of and no real desire to GET a social life. I had bad hair, bad glasses, and all i wanted to do in my free time was sleep, enjoy my visual entertainment and pass my goddamn driving test. Which i never did during my army life.

So, if i've been complaining for the past few months about any form of suffering in particular, i just need to blog about it, read my old posts, remember how things were when i was in the army, and shut the f*ck up. Because nothing much can be worse than the army experience (sorry MINDEF), and my life now probably seems like heaven in comparison.

And in this way, by thinking back on my army experiences, i might be able to achieve some peace of mind. Lol.

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Idiocy and Hypocrisy

Crap. I'm such an idiot. What am i getting so insecure about? You're not the first person to have gone through this before. You certainly won't be the last.

Just because you've read the glowing reviews of past candidates doesn't mean that you're in any way inferior to them. It doesn't take any weight away from whatever testimony you've heard about yourself. It doesn't detract from your achievement. It doesn't allow you to make anyone else worry.

Or are you just letting it all get to you, the fact that someone else had done it all before you did? Didn't you say that it didn't matter? Didn't you pride yourself on being incredibly open-minded and liberal?

Gosh dude, you're really full of hypocrisy. You're a fake. You're just pretending to be good, trying so hard to be good, without ever truly being good.

It's time to wake up your idea man.

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On the expressway...

I was cruising along deep within the maze (shrouded in a thick fog of course) at a slow but leisurely pace in my trusty red car the other day when i suddenly came upon what appeared to be an expressway. It called out to me (the expressway, that is), and promised me a fast, enjoyable ride to the place that i wished to find, if only i would take that road. I was a little uncertain at first, but being an open-minded and sporting chap, i couldn't resist trying out different ways and means to reach my destination. Who knows, maybe it'll actually be for the best.

I'm travelling on that expressway right now, and although the road is devoid of traffic lights or sharp turns, my surroundings are still shrouded in a near impenetrable fog. Although things seem to be going really well, i just can't help but wonder sometimes whether this expressway would truly lead me to my destination, or whether it would just lead me straight into a dead end. And at the speed that i'm going, i might just crash head-first into that dead end and kill myself.

Well, i'm not exactly saying that fast is bad, but i suppose that i might want to take a detour and go by the normal, slow, mazy, yet nevertheless foggy and uncertain route, after a while on the fast track. Because somehow, i just have the feeling that i'm more familiar with the slower route, and going by that route would mean screw-ups of a smaller magnitude; although fast is great, i just don't want to leave any room for serious risks. And sometimes, there are sights and sounds and itsy bitsy details that you can see and experience while travelling the slow road that you'd never be able to enjoy on the fast track.

Anyway, time to leave school and go home. Whichever way i go by, the final destination is all that matters.

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I feel...

Hmmm. I kinda knew that this might actually happen to me one day while i was at law school, but the feeling came quite suddenly today. I got back a crap ass grade, and suddenly i realised that, apart from a single subject - SLS - it's starting to seem like i'm a little bit..behind the rest. I'm a little lost, a little uncertain, and a even little lazy, somehow. There's this feeling washing over me, and the feeling's pretty damn powerful at the moment.

I feel...stupid.

Okay, back to studying.

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Woohoo!

Woohoo! I got caught pretty much off guard yet again today, but...woohoo! XD

Okay, time to knock off hahaha!

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A dream...once again...

I am waiting in my trusty red car behind a red traffic light under the night sky when the light suddenly turns orange, or so i believe. Without thought, i release the brakes and inch forward, throwing all thought on finding that street directory to the wind.

But just as i cross the traffic light, the light returns to red. I jam the brakes and stall my car engine as a result. Did i just do the unthinkable? Did i just run a red light? I dwell on these questions as i proceed to wait for the sad fate that would lie before me; a return to the mass of cars at the starting line to recuperate and recover from certain depression.

But just as the Facilitators start to crowd around me, dragging my car away from the traffic light, i notice the traffic light turning green again, and i know that that green light is for me, and me alone. A reward for my bravery or just something that was inevitable, i'll never know. Twisting my car key with all my might, i restart the car engine and the car lurches forward, shaking the Facilitators off my vehicle. The groan of a thousand voices can be heard behind me as i step on the gas and storm past the traffic light.

Past the final traffic light at last, and somehow free from the worry of the unknown, i switch to the sixth gear and power my way into the darkness.

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A dream...

I am waiting in my trusty red car behind a red traffic light under the night sky. There are roads all around me, criss-crossing each other and going different places. But I am the only one waiting behind that particular traffic light. Each of these traffic lights point to only one place of note. Behind me, cars are zipping past, deciding where to go and which path to take. There are races going on, but people prefer not to choose places where there are already cars which are very much in the lead. Every place has only one parking lot; if you try to catch up with someone who is in the lead and fail, that will only lead to a long drive back to the starting point.

I am waiting in my trusty red car behind a red traffic light under the night sky. When i look past the traffic light, all i see is darkness, and i know that beyond that darkness is a maze, huge and forboding. I eat and sleep in my car, but whenever i can, i stare at the traffic light in front of me, waiting for it to turn green so that i can drive through. Sometimes the traffic light flashes orange, but most of the time it just stays red. The traffic light only flashes green for one car at a time. I cannot drive past the traffic light unless it turns green; the penalties for running a red light are huge. It is strange, because i've already driven past so many traffic lights leading up to this one that i wonder what it is about the last traffic light that scares me so.

I am waiting in my trusty red car behind a red traffic light under the night sky. A few days ago, the traffic light had turned green, only for a moment before it disappeared. But i had not been prepared to drive through; i had been caught off guard while i was snacking on chips. And the truth was that i was not yet ready to drive past the traffic light as i had thought; I knew that most people drove into the darkness without hesitation and only worried about the maze when they got there. But i wanted to be able to plot a path to the place where i wanted to go; i didn't want to get lost and end up back where i started, like i had done a few times before, while attempting to go to other places. I want to make this one count.

I am waiting in my trusty red car behind a red traffic light under the night sky. Suddenly, as i search in vain for the street directory that is supposed to be in my car but is strangely missing, a car pulls up beside me, signalling an intention to drive past the traffic light that i'm at. Suddenly, i realise that i now have competition. The competitor is in a decent car; my top speed is probably better than that of the competitor, but i can see that the wheels of the competitor's car might just be more suited to the type of road that lies ahead of us. Changing wheels is possible but it takes quite a bit of time, and i'm unsure if i'll even pick the right set.

I am waiting in my trusty red car behind a red traffic light under the night sky. I continue to search for my street directory, even as i notice that the competitor is staring straight ahead without hesitation, as if the competitor already knows how to get to where the two of us want to go. The next time the light goes green, one of us will have a huge headstart over the other. Unless, of course, the competitor decides to drive through when the traffic light goes orange, which is quite a good possibility. And who knows when a third car might appear. I still have hope, so i'm not moving away from my pole position. I don't care much for other places for now; other cars can have those parking lots for all i care. But of course, if any competitor gets a big headstart on me for this road, i'll probably have to consider trying out for another place.

Maybe further west, like Katong Shopping Centre or something. :|

Okay anyway, enough of this. I posted this entry to drain out all my frustration where not many people would see, but it doesn't seem to be working very well thus far (or maybe i should just kaobei more). I need to go study or whatever; do something productive so that i can feel a little better about myself. If things were looking up towards the end of last week, the events over the weekend and on monday and tuesday were enough to bring me back down to like below sea level. And i'm not just talking about the ankle that i sprained today, which will take about a month to heal fully.

Which, by the way, kinda rules me out of IFG Basketball. After getting thwarted repeatedly by incompatible time schedules (please take my lesson schedule into account next time, everyone; i beg you...), i shifted my lesson time (rather illegally) just to make it for training...just to get injured. It's as if someone up there is making sure that i never join a sports team EVER. Crap. I suppose i'll just have to play catch up with everyone on the team, who would've benefited from about eight practice sessions or more by the time i return.

But hey, it's not as if i'm a basketball newbie anyway. I'm not going to let this injury stop me...when i get a dose of bad luck which seems to be divine in nature, i tend to want to fight back. Life sure is like a virtual rollercoaster...it has its ups and downs, but well...it's all virtual, anyway. All in the mind. At least that's what i hope.

Well, back to work.

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Life's looking up at a slight angle.

If monday was bad, tuesday was worse, wednesday was so-so and thursday was plain-ass horrible, friday would be considered a pretty good day, actually. As in well...the torts tutorial went pretty well and things finally seem to be looking up a little bit. And i'm not just talking about studies of course. Lol. And i'm also not just talking about what some people might think that i'm talking about whahaha...it's more like an improvement in my general outlook of life. At least now there's something to look forward to when i wake up in the morning.

Well anyway, i've slept for about a total of nine hours over the past two days and it's already past 3AM...gosh, i don't know why i'm still awake and dallying over my shower when i should've been in bed by now.

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