My mahjong luck is DAMN BAD. Amagad. I've played four or five times in the past few months and i've lost close to $100 already. Maybe even more. I've lost $55 from the last two times. Even worse, the odds i've been playing are really small; 20-40cents the 2nd last time and 10-20cents today (although today's paying system is different because the money doubles until SIX tai and then another one dollar each is added for 7 tai and 8 tai). Which means i've been losing VERY HEAVILY at CASUAL mahjong.
The thing is, i haven't been able to win any mahjong games with 4 tai and above. When i play smaller than that, i win quite often, but then another player just gets really big one and wipes out all my earnings, and then some. Part of me thinks it's the way i play, and part of me thinks it's just dumb luck. Horrible dumb luck. Like today, i did not get a single cat-mouse/rooster-caterpiller/2 relevant flower combination (for that extra small change) AT ALL, while i had to pay out like $3 worth to the other 3 players, who at least got their flowers and animals at a decent rate. And i only gang-ed once, despite playing pung-pung pretty often. I managed to win over $200 in a single day during Chinese New Year, so maybe it's just that i'm at the lower amplitudes of my luck-wave.
But the worst thing of all is that i've been taking money every now and then from my mum and relying on others. After deciding to be more financially independent after JC, my plans have sidetracked quite considerably. First, there was that car accident which wiped out the money i would have received from that investment deal i have with my dad. Then, during the holidays, i took charge of Rag instead of getting a temporary job, so i incurred a significant opportunity cost, not to mention the transport fees and miscellaneous stuff. And then there are the mahjong losses which adds to the amount i'm regularly bleeding away on food.
I haven't been buying any new clothes, any new electronic gadgets/fun stuff (apart from pre-ordering Dragon Age Origins) and still my expenditure has been rising. The only thing that's keeping me afloat, is that my mother has been slipping me small change occasionally - $50 to $100 every month or so - saying that it's to reimburse me for the food that i buy (which she says she's supposed to compensate, although i disagree), and my dad (via my credit card) has been paying for my petrol (my mum gives the excuse that Citibank gets a further discount at Esso). My mum also reimburses me for everything that i spend on the family (like when i buy back snacks for the family and stuff), which kinda defeats the purpose of why i do it in the first place.
In the past, i would object vehemently and insist that i pay for my own stuff. I'd take pride in my independence. But now, i find it hard to resist the money when my mother "reimburses" me. I haven't given a treat to Coco in a long while; we keep going dutch.
I know, i know, i have great parents, a great family, and a great girlfriend. But i can't help but feel that my morality is disappearing like the superficial imagery it has always been. I like to think that i'm a generous guy, but maybe it's just that i have the money to be generous. Maybe i shouldn't judge people for being selfish with their money or thick-skinned when they insist that their parents have a duty to give them pocket change. Because maybe, if i myself were penniless and had no savings, i'd be the most selfish person on earth.
