Sigh, this's probably one (or rather, two) of my top five most miserable weeks this year. It's nothing compared to last year, but still, i've been feeling hopelessly off lately.
It could be because i spent the whole day putting my hands through mud and drain water retrieving cables, and later still getting scolded by a superior - because i just didn't have the focus to do my job as deputy duty sergeant and heard a wrong number over the telephone.
But actually, i think it started much earlier. Sleep patterns getting messed up during guard duty, getting 12 mosquito bites in one afternoon two days ago, the re-emergence of my flu last week, getting confined over the weekend because of Army Open House, the likelihood of three days of my off getting eaten up and my MC script deadline getting much closer while i'm still at a loss at what i'm actually supposed to be doing...bad things like to just crop up while you're lazing away and strike together when things start to get busy, don't they?
And then there's the loss of my iPod last week. Prabably the biggest bummer of them all, and the one that started the Ball of Depression rolling (or was it the flu..?).
I still don't know how it disappeared; it was all a blur when i got back to camp from the Open House location last week (that's almost always the case when things get lost, isn't it? You only lose things when you're not focused).
The feeling's quite the same as when i lost my wallet back in JC...somehow, you just get this dull feeling in your head, you can't seem to get a hold on what's going on around you, you get this immediate sense of
thirstiness, and you just can't eat properly for a few days.
I know that i definitely will get another iPod eventually. Having used an iPod for nearly three years, it's become quite an indispensable
habit, a lifestyle choice that you just can't throw away; kinda like brushing your teeth before going to sleep or (in my case) washing my hair everytime i take a shower.
But then, i just can't stomache the thought of spending over $350 for at least another 60GB model...when i have to spend so much just to REPLACE something that i carelessly lost, it just feels like i'm throwing money away. It's the same as when i lost my wallet, or got my handphone stolen long ago...somehow, i just get the feeling that my parents would feel so disappointed at how irresponsible i am, that i find myself unable to make the purchase immediately; somehow, i find myself trying to live without an iPod for the rest of my life until that
feeling finally fades away and i forget about my decision a couple of months later.
Well, i've tried to be cheerful the past few days, but i suppose cracking lame jokes and being overly talkative in a bid to get myself back to normal IS rather counterproductive; seeing how fried my brain feels, it's probably harming my reputation among my fellow soldiers as well.
Which is why i'm trying to blog about this little bit "semi-depression" now, and get some of it off my chest. I think it's actually made me feel a little better.
Which is a very good thing. I don't want to have a sleepless night tonight.
